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Cartman: [as the dwarf, with mallet] Oh, dude! I just took the biggest crap. Hey-where are you guys?
Kyle: [voice only] We're over here, by the cart. [POV switches to three other characters - a blue knight, a green lady, and an orange knight stand around waiting for the dwarf. The drawf walks into the group]
Cartman: Okay, I'm back.
Stan: [the blue knight, with sword and shield] Dude! We've been waiting forever!
Cartman: Well, I'm sorry, I had to take a dump!
Kyle: [the green lady] If you didn't eat so much, you wouldn't have diarrhea all the time, fatass!
Cartman: Hey, I don't need to take any lip from a frickin' girl!
Kenny: [mumbles, then] (I think Kyle is kinda dressed funny, hahaaha)
Cartman: Heheh, totally, heheh.
Kyle: Come on, we have to finish the quest in Stonehaven. [walks off, and the others follow]
Cartman: My friends: as you all know, some giant butthole keeps logging onto Warcraft and killing all our characters.
Kyle: The past ...four nights we've tried to play, he shows up and kills us!
Craig: He killed my character right in the middle of a quest!
Tweek: Mine too!
Cartman: We've learned that the four of us can't fight him alone. But, if we all log in together!, we might have a chance.
Token: Hey yeah!
Jimmy: We can really stick it to that assm-m-muncher!
Clyde: Are you guys dumb? We can't beat him, even with all of us. It's a waste of time.
Stan: Ddue, we have to try.
Clyde: I've got better things to do.
Cartman: Clyde, Clyde! [moves around his podium to talk to Clyde more directly] If you had a chance right now to go back in time and stop Hitler, wouldn't you do it? [beat] I mean, I personally wouldn't stop him because I think he was awesome, but you would, right?
Clyde: [unshaken] I'm just gonna stop playing.
Cartman: When Hitler rose to power there were a lot of people who just stopped playing. You know who those people were? The French! Are you French, Clyde?
Cartman: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, Clyde?
Clyde: All right all right, I'll do it!
Jimmy: So what's the p-plan?
Cartman: All right, you all login from your computers at precisely 7:30. [walks up to a map of their quest] We will meet here, on the plains of the elven forest near Westfall. My friends, to victory!
All: To victory!
Butters: I don't play World of Warcraft.
Cartman: Butters, you said you were on your computer all the time!
Butters: Yeah, but I'm playing Hello Kitty Island Adventure.
Cartman: Butters, go buy World of Warcraft, install it on your computer, and join the online sensation before we all murder you.
Butters: O-oh, o-oh, a-alright. All right then.
President: The admins tell us they are four players from a small town in Colorado.
Member 1: Are they strong enough to defeat the Evil One?
Member 5: [wearing a black T-shirt with the green words "Dwarf Needs FOOD!" on it] We ran the numbers: even with their amazing rise in levels, they have a 90% mortality probability. They'd be walking in a slaughter!
Member 1: There has to be... someway we can help them.
Member 6: What about... the Sword of a Thousand Truths?
Member 7: Quiet, Thomas! We aren't even to speak of that sword!
Thomas: But maybe these new players are the ones the prophecy foretold of.
Member 7: It is not an option!
Thomas: What is this sword?
President: Long ago, when the World of Warcraft was created, one of the programmers put a sword called the Sword of a Thousand Truths into the game inventory. Apparently it could cause 120 damage per second, with an instant mana burn and an enchantment that boosts its stamina +80.
Member 7: But the sword was considered to be too powerful for anyone to possess. So it was removed from the game and stored on a one-gig flash drive.
Thomas: But it was foretold that one day, players who could wield the sword might reveal themselves.
Member 1: Who foretold this prophecy?
President: Soltzman. He's an accountant.
Cartman: Kyle! Fire spell!
Kyle: Aaaa... [starts generating the spell, but it abruptly goes out] AH! Huh?! [his characters grabs her right wrist with her left hand]
Stan: Kyle! [Kyle leaves his desk grabbing onto his right hand, then flexes his right wrist around. Stan leaves his desk and approaches him] Kyle! Dude, what's wrong?
Kyle: Carpal tunnel! Carpal tunnel! It's aaaah! [pain shoots through his wrist as he continues flexing his wrist and stretching his fingers]
Stan: Oh Jesus he's got it bad! [Cartman walks over]
Cartman: Wait, we need Ben-Gay. [waddles to Kenny's desk desk and pulls out a tube of the stuff, then walks back and squirts some of it onto Kyle's right wrist, then rubs it in.]
Stan: Hurry dude!
Cartman: I'm going as fast as I can!
Stan: Kyle, you have to keep playing.
Kyle: I can't. Just leave me behind.
Stan: We can't do this without you now! Come on! [he and Cartman help Kyle back to his computer]